Love: (Noun) An intense feeling of deep affection

Hey Handsome, 

As I think of how to even attempt to write this I find it all ironic-You did say some things were better said instead of written down, yet here I am. Perhaps some things are easier to say once written down? 

I love you.

 I love you for how you make me feel.

 I love you for who you make me want to become. 

I love you for you. I love you!

When we sat on the swing and I told you I was grateful for you in my life, that was only the beginning. 

The feeling when I am with you sometimes overwhelms me, it feels as if I could reach out and grab it. 

I've been wanting to say I love you for some time now and struggle the courage to find my voice. 

The first time I found myself wanting to truly say it..scared me. 

I wanted to say it when we had our first real talk of us. That night in your room, I told you how comfortable and safe you made me feel and how that scared me. You said you didn't want to push me and understood it would take time. 

Now with more time I don't feel scared anymore.

 Without even knowing it you've diminished every fear, every wall I had. 

I love how comfortable I feel at your home with your family. 

I love how beautiful you make me feel.

I love how you are a worthy priesthood holder (You were asked to help with the sacrament not too long ago..seeing you worthily help bless it made me love you more, made me more grateful. You looked good too ;) )

You let me be myself. Whether I feel silly, happy, sad etc. 

I love how you are comfortable with silence. I love how we can have fun out doing things or at home watching the next episode on netflix. 

I love you because of what a hard worker you are. 

I love your different laughs. 

I love the way you make me feel wanted and special. 

I love watching you with your family. The way you respect your parents, the way you have fun with everyone. I love watching you because it makes me think of how you'll be when your a dad one day. 

How I could go on for every little reason why I love you. 

The other night you asked if I was struggling to find the courage to say something..I said yes and you said somethings were easier said than written down and I'll feel better saying it, that I would never know.  

With my heart beating so quickly and my thoughts swirling, I still couldn't say it. 

Not because I don't want too. 

Not because I don't feel it. 

Because in that moment I'm overwhelmed with how I feel. 

That feeling, is love.  

Good thoughts & smiles

Do you ever have those days where you are just in a jolly good mood and you cant help but...smile?!

Sometimes I get on a happy high and I find everything just a little funnier, I have a little more patience, and I just have a better day! 

That would be today :)

Let me back up a little first...

I know this sounds cheesy but last night I looked over at my boyfriend after our show was over (We are watching "The Following" on netflix and we are enjoying it so far) and I just got this feeling of how happy I am to have him and how grateful I am to feel as if I can be myself around him.

The rest of the night I was in a smiling mood and couldn't stop. He would ask me what when I would look at him, which made me just laugh a little and smile wider because of how I was feeling. 

I was literally just TOO happy. Is that even possible?!

So then I went home happy. 

Then I woke up happy. 

Now, its been a good happy day! 

I find my attitude becoming contagious as my co-workers join in and my customers as well are being affected when they come to me. 

I love this feeling and I love days like this!

It has me reflecting on all the reasons why I have to be happy..and let me tell you-I have a lot!

I have the gospel in my life. 

I have the most amazing family.

I have an amazing boyfriend. 

I have the best friends. 

I have so much to be thankful for-and the more I find the more grateful I become and the happier I become! 

I challenge you all to take a step back and take a look at everything you have been blessed for! 

Write them down, think about it! You will find your list growing and your mood uplifting!

Inspiration in unlikely places

I truly believe that with everyone you meet that you have one of two options. 

You can either brighten their day or you can damper their day. 

Working in the position that I have no one enjoys seeing me. They walk through the door with a sour attitude and are usually not pleasant. I love the challenge of turning their day around and having each person walk away with a completely different attitude than the one they had walking in. 

In the process of this, I have a chance to meet some amazing people and hear some inspiring stories.

Today's was no exception. 

Meet Will.

As this mans number was called he stood up and looked around with a confused look upon his face (This happens often as people don't see my corner station) I gave a little wave and with a smile I spoke a little higher to let him know I was in the corner. He smiled and slowly hobbled over on his cane. 

Reaching my station he warmly greeted me and said thank you for helping him. He continued to tell me that since his accident he had gone just about blind and had trouble with the simplest of tasks. 

I took his documents and as I started with the task before me I innocently asked what had happened. 

(Little did I know..)

This man had been in a fatal horse accident back in the summer of '89. He was with a friend when he was bucked off and the horse stepped on the right side of his head. 

This left him half alive with his brains half out. (Sorry abut that gruesome detail) His friend who was with him was described as being about 5'6", had dragged him 200 ft to a tree so she could prop him up. 

She had called 911 but it took them 3 hrs to get to them. 

He was life-flighted to a hospital in California. He told me that during that time he was hooked to a machine but his heart had stopped. He mentioned that his sons mother was notified and had rushed to the hospital, reaching it at the same time he had. He described how they told her to go directly to the elevator that would take her to the roof so she could meet the helicopter but when the elevator doors opened she was stopped by them pushing him through on a gurney, his body was covered by a sheet with only his feet showing. 

He said that's how she knew it was him under that sheet..by his feet.  

He was on life support for a month in the hospital. 

Prior to this he had no belief in God or miracles. 

His sons mother had sneaked their son in his room so that he could see him. 

This man's eyes teared up as he continued to say that it was the sound of their sons crying that had awoken him from his coma. 

He went on to tell me that prior to this accident that he had given up on drinking & smoking and was told by the doctors that because he had a healthy stomach, etc that that what was able to support him while on life support. If he had continued in the habits he had he would not have made it. 

He went on to be in recovery for a year as he had to relearn everything, starting over was a struggle but he said with God's help and his new outlook that he was able to make it. 

By this point I was struggling to hold back my tears. The spirit you could feel with this man was overwhelming! 

He said he never believed in God, miracles or anything of that nature prior but since the accident he would be a fool to deny that God was real. He saved his life and that experience would forever change him. He was grateful for each day, even though he couldn't remember the past hour with his memory loss, or for the hobble with his cane, he was grateful to be breathing and to be alive. Each day. 

I love the opportunities I get to meet some of these inspiring people. You never know what struggle someone has been through or is going through at this exact moment!

He changed my morning, inspiring me a little more in my own life!

I hope this inspired you, as it did with me!

Blessings through trials

When was the last time you thanked The Lord for a trial or tribulation? Adversity compels us to go to our knees; does gratitude for adversity do that as well?

- Bonnie D. Parkin

I am continually touched by the reminders of the Lords blessings in life! 

Today at work I had an opportunity to meet an amazing woman who has been through hell and back and has came out on top.  This woman's husband committed suicide a little over a year ago and left her with their three kids, a life fallen apart and unanswered questions. 

She began to tell me how she had to start from scratch and yet at the same time be the rock for her family. She questioned Gods intentions and began to become bitter towards her deceased husband, the church and God. She couldn't look at her kids without feeling hatred and hurt towards her husband. How could he leave her with this responsibility all alone? Did she not love him enough? Was their family not worth living for? She expressed her feelings of feeling no self worth, loneliness etc. (I only wish i could give her story better justice!) 

She continued to tell me how her journey back to the church was the hardest thing she had to do. Yet, it wasn't about her. She had children depending on her and she couldn't let them down. With the help of the atonement and a loving bishop she was able to come to terms with her husbands death. She was able to forgive and love him again. She was able to teach her kids the same lesson, keeping the good memories of their dad alive. She told me that she was given this trial because The Lord knew she could handle it and it would mold her to be a better mother and woman. The death was unexpected and she won't know his reasons till their time comes again but she doesn't dwell on that; but rather the good times. She was grateful for her life lessons and joys. 

Her story was incredible! I don't often meet people such as her in my line of work-let alone to come to hear this story but I'm thankful for these opportunities! 

Even when she was done and gone I couldn't stop thinking of her. It had me pondering on the trials in my life. The good and the bad. 

I too am grateful for my trials and joys. Every good and bad moment that has molded me into the woman I am and the woman that I will become. I'm grateful for the foundation of the church that I've had as my crutch. For the support of loving people all around me. For the personal growth in my testimony that at times I wasn't sure if I even had. For the true love I have for our Savior and everything he did for me. 

I am truly blessed and grateful!

What is love?

[What is Love?]

Immature love says "I love you because I need you." 

Mature love says "I need you because I love you."

-Erich Fromm

Love requires work from both sides. It's as strong as it is vulnerable. You have to work on it each day. You have to truly mean it. Its truly comfortably amazing. 

To look at someone and feel proud to call them yours. 

Through their good and bad days. 

It's in those moments where you can feel It so strong - you could reach out and grab it but you hold back to simply enjoy the moment a little longer while you can.

In the way he respects you.

The way you want them to know the good and the bad about you because you know they won't judge - You want them to know and understand you completely. 

The way he pushes your hair out of the way and pulls you in for a kiss.

The way he makes you feel safe

Its in the way he adds to who you are, the way you want to be even better for him.

The way his hugs & kisses make everything better.

It's also the little things you learn about them that amaze you to have such a man in your life.

Falling asleep in his arms, safely tucked away, listening to his heartbeat.

The man they are now, helps you see and encourage the man he will become.

To know he lets you in, when he kept many others out.

His smile that still sets off butterflies in your stomach.

The quiet moments cuddling.

It's the bad days - when you wish you had the power to lighten their burden and take away their sorrows.

You find yourself praying for them. 

The way you find yourself smiling just because they make you happy.

It's the quiet moments when you steal a glance at this man who is too humble to realize how amazing and sweet he is and how he so easily made you feel safe when you were too scared to let anyone in.

It's the moment you realize your in love, and as scary as it is you keep going. Not knowing what will happen, perhaps if your loved in return. But it's okay, who truly knows what love is anyway? Love is what you make of it. Protect it. Guard it. 

"We should remember that saying 'I Love You' is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it" 

- Elder David A. Bednar 

You ARE good enough!

At times when work is slow I tend to browse the latest stories on ldsliving.com and one stood out to me particularly today. I read an article titled "My new husband: I was never attracted to you". It goes on to talk of how her husband was not physically attracted to her which led to her worrying about what she wore, how she looked in the mornings etc & what all she did that would make him turn away from her. This all caused deep pain & insecurity. I love how she worded this.. "I finally realized that I was looking in the mirror in the bedroom & the mirror of my husbands eyes instead of the mirror inside my heart." She continues to say "deep down inside me, a voice reassured me that I was actually beautiful enough. Strength I had forgotten welled up in me..."

This article touched a little sore spot of mine. I married a man who I thought loved be & who I believed thought I was beautiful. Yet, throughout my whole marriage my self confidence was taken away: day by day, comment by comment. My ex-husband continually reminded me of how I was not the perfect "trophy wife". During the last couple of bards months we had I was baffled to learn more of what I was that was not good enough. 

I remember that day when I personally felt that reassurance from my Heavenly Father. I got to a dark place where physically I was perhaps 100 pounds on a good day, spending 4 hrs at a gym and had the mind set where I had to prove my ex wrong. I could look the way he wanted me too. I was spent. I sat in the bathroom bawling as I couldn't stand without feeling dizzy and having my world go black. I prayed hard and asked to feel peace, to feel him with me. I sat and waited and felt as if someone had wrapped a blanket around me and I felt an overwhelming feeling of love. I knew I couldn't do that anymore! I knew I was worth more. I was a daughter of our Heavenly Father and I was made in the image of a perfect being. I would always be good enough!

I'm a lot more healthier now, I am a normal woman and may always nit pick at what I don't like about me but I refuse to give anyone that power ever again. Someone will love me for who I am. At 100, 116 or 125 pounds. I am perfect the way I am and I love me. 

I am a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father 

Blessings of friendship

"Everyone needs good and true friends. They will be a strength and a blessing to you. They will influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become. They will help you be a better person and will make it easier for you to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. "

-For Strength of Youth Pamphlet 

I know I say it often and it may sound cheesy but my heart is full tonight. I am blessed with some amazing friends! I have the best roommates that have become like sisters to me and the friends I've made since moving here have been a blessing. 

Tonight I spoke with a friend who turns out has gone through similar things with his divorce. It's refreshing to speak with someone who has gone through similar pains and trials. It makes me feel less alone in the world at times but pains me to think of what they endured as well. Speaking with this friend I had another one kinda come in and out where we were speaking and so naturally I hesitated but finally asked if he wanted to know the story behind the bits he had heard, I prefer those to know the truth. I'm very open about my divorce when approached-well long story short after I spoke with him my heart felt even more light. To speak with someone and not have them judge you is a great feeling. I don't trust how people will react anymore and it always scares me. Yet, times like this reminds me of the blessings that friendship gives me.

I told them I didn't want pity and the fear of when someone knows, I wanted people to look at me and think I was strong, funny and confident. To be an example that trials don't have to make you bitter, they can make you better.

Their responses filled my heart and I was honestly touched. A simple reminder every now and then tends to shock me, but a shock filled with gratitude and new understanding. 

I love the life I have built up and I am proud of the strong woman that I have remained when at times I questioned if I would be ever again. I'm thankful for friends and especially the two amazing roommates that I have. I hope they know I genuinely love them like family and love their support and what they bring to our little family we have built here in the ghetto of our apartment :)