I recently finished an amazing book by Chris Williams titled "Let it go". Many of you have probably heard of his story. He lost everything practically.. One crash took the lives of half of his family. Yet he still found the power to forgive! I remember hearing about it on the news long ago but never gave it another thought until I stumbled across his book in the library. An answer to many prayers!
He speaks of the invitation that was taught to us.. "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:28–29). To let go, move forward and be healed.
I've really been trying to learn to forgive. To let go of my anger and hurt. Not only to forgive Mr. X but to forgive myself. I tell myself if I could have only gone back & not gone to school for more time at home. If I had only gone to the gym in the beginning I could have been more attractive for him. So many if's.
My Bishop told me forgiveness is not only to forgive him but to forgive yourself and I never fully understood that until reading this book. I know with the Lords help that I will be able to forgive. It's hard.. really hard but not impossible.
This morning I went back home to visit with my Mom before I had to go to work; one thing lead to another & soon we were talking about of course the divorce when my Mom brought up my ex mother-in-law. She ran into her and told me they started talking about me. She expressed how much her and her husband loved me (The whole family misses and loves me). She told my mother how they worry about me each day.. wondering if I'm happy & if I'm okay etc. We talked for a while when my Mom told me that she will always love Mr. X and that she forgives him. She hopes that soon over comes whatever is wrong and one day that he is happy. This is big for her... really big! A mother is very protective and she was absolutely not happy to even see him or hear his name or anything that had to do with him for a long time. It helps me to know that my family is also forgiving. Especially considering our families get along great still and its hard for everyone.
Since then my ex mother-in-law has been on my mind. At times I found it difficult to get along with her, she was always so proper and I never doubted that she loved me but I felt I just wasn't good enough sometimes so I never took the time to truly get to know her as I should have. Towards the end of my marriage was when we became really close. She helped me a lot. I never thought of how hard it must have been on her. To watch her son act the way he was and doing the things he had done. I will never forget the one day I was at school when she asked if she could come and see me, I went out to her car so we could talk and I could tell she had been crying and was nervous. We hadn't talked long before we were both crying. She told me that I was a beautiful girl. I wasn't fat like Mr. X would say. I was strong and I had done everything I could for him and she told me it broke her heart to see how much I was trying and that her son didn't deserve me. She told me I deserved someone who was going to love me and make me happy. She asked why I was still fighting...
I remember being a little offended by that afterwards. I know now it was out of love.
I love her dearly. I love all of his family dearly & I'm grateful for them in so many ways. I hope she can one day forgive me for not being a better daughter-in-law. I hope she knows how much I love her and how she helped me in those last couple months.
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