August 22

It's been a struggle lately to find the motivation to blog. I didn't want to drown this blog with negative thoughts-yet today I would feel selfish if I didn't share with you. 

My heart today is full and filled with gratitude and love. I've been struggling the past couple of days and have felt as if once again that I've hit another dead end. After waiting weeks for the judge to sign our papers (To begin the 90 day wait) I received word from my lawyer that we were missing one paper..I was to fill it out and get it back to him as soon as possible so we could file it in and start the waiting process again. I admit; I was angry, bewildered, and frustrated. I read that email and just say at my desk crying. We've already been waiting so long. The judge was supposed to sign them..not send them back! I couldn't comprehend why things couldn't go right for just once. That day everything hit me at once. The frustration of searching for a job. Making sure bills could be paid. I had lunch with a friend and was told of how Mr. X was flirting and being suggestive around a former close friend. To be clear. I don't care if he is dating or whatever else. It's the fact is with her. Someone who caused problems in our marriage. He turned to her instead of me, he paid her compliments while telling me to go to the gym. It is with her that even if nothing physical happened that he emotionally became attached too. (If your struggling with a similar situation you should check out the talked titled "Virtual reality, actual risks") I let all these feelings of hurt, worthlessness, stress etc hit me and take over. I couldn't take it anymore so i went for a long, hard run. I ran until my legs felt like jell-o. I ran until I couldn't breath. I ran until I couldn't feel Satans pressure. I ran and prayed. I poured out my heart unto Heavenly Father. I told him of my worries, my feelings and thanked him for the blessings and asked for peace and to be able to forgive. The feeling I felt was overwhelming. I felt as if he was right there beside me and was protecting me from Satan as I contined home. I felt his love! I recieved the answer that everything would be okay, I needed to be patient and continue doing what I was doing. All in time. Since that day I have felt at peace with where I am in life and with the lords plan. Now we come to today! I found out that at my seasonal job I have the opportunity to stay an extra 6 weeks! I have found out that I might only have to wait a week or so before the judge signs (instead of being put at the bottom of the list) and today is my birthday! :) The love and wishes I have recieved today have been amazing! I am truly blessed! I feel so loved! I am so grateful for each person who has made an impression in my life and I am so grateful for this gospel and for the experiences that continue to make my testimony grow!